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Wiz: Okay, so he's not technically a vampire like, say, Dracula. All seemed lost until Dio pulled out his Plan B, an ancient stone mask that turned him into a vampire. Wiz: But after years of emotional manipulation, Dio's twisted assassination plot was foiled by his righteous step-brother.īoomstick: With help from the interfering Speedwagon. Only one thing stood in his way: his new brother, Jonathan Joestar, AKA JoJo.īoomstick: Dio tried to go all alpha wolf on JoJo by engaging in such classic sibling pranks as beating him up, molesting his girlfriend, and setting his dog on fire! Jesus! You give that creepy dog murderer what for, JoJo! Dio planned to kill his new father, George Joestar, and take his fortune for himself. Wiz: And he'd get his chance to act when he was adopted into the wealthy Joestar Family. Wiz: Born a penniless street rat with a cunning mind in the slums of Victorian London, Dio was humiliated by his poverty and abused by his alcoholic father.īoomstick: His bitter resentment and small dick energy would lead to a lifelong desire for ultimate power and immortality, to reach a place over heaven. Wiz: Imagine, if you can, someone so wicked that the sheer magnitude of their unholy dickishness literally destroyed the universe.īoomstick: You might think they'd have to be no less than the devil himself. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win. What do ya get when you combine them? Two of the meanest monsters out there! Wiz: Vampires, the spawn of nightmares formed from the blackest pits of man's demented imagination.īoomstick: Anime, basically the same thing. Wiz: Dio Brando, everlasting adversary of the Joestar bloodline.īoomstick: Alucard, undying enforcer of the Hellsing Organization.